A Father

When I shared my past I did not think you’d let go,

I didn’t think you’d have the courage to go look for it.

I did not expect you to sell me out and stick a knife in my back,

I did not anticipate that you’d kill my past.

I cannot be a father, she was kept from me,

She looks nothing like this wretch,

She is all her mother…

The only things I gave her were my eyes and my curse…

But in my defense I did not know!

I should have kept away that night,

I should have slept alone…

But ‘mommy’ looked so good in red,

All draped over my bed.

I was a child, my dearest love, I did not know

My life was soon to shatter.

I was prepared to make my bag, and leave forever,

I said “I love you” to my parents,

I said “farewell’ to brother…

And then I saw her:

Blonde curly hair draped on my silken pillows,

Her red corset was velvet everything else was silk…

I could not help my urges, and I had to sleep

In the arms of an angel so sweet.

I knew I would not return again,

My home town was nothing but a burden,

I needed sustenance for something you shouldn’t have known,

I needed someone else’s rubies.

She should have told me, dearest little one…

I would have stayed and ran away from wars…

I would have closed my mouth for any glass of scarlet

And would have raised my dearest miracle.

She did not tell me, angel. Understand.

She kept it hidden and went around like that…

She never slept in the same bed twice,

Except for mine… but I was different, she said.

I did not know the tumor growing in her womb

For if I did I would have helped her through…

I had no intention to leave her in that state.

I died with bullets flying in…

My last meal was my best friend.

I miss him sometimes, we met some days

And poor Dimitri he’ll have the same sad fate.

Now dearest child it is too late,

To start this stupid lullaby…

Someone else seems to need you more than I.

And he should keep you,

Your mother and you both…

For I was denied permission, to see my lovely butterfly.

I see you in her days and nights again…

I watched her dreams just like yours,

And I know I told you, you’re my only miracle,

But you two are so alike it’s frightening.

Look past appearances, child, look much deeper than that…

DO NOT make her a victim to this fucking curse,

I kept her pure of such improper thoughts.

And if you ask about the one I live with,

She is much more than just a friendly girl…

Her DNA and mine are intertwined

And she needs someone to show her the way.

I knew her long before she knew herself,

And as her dreams unfold she remembers me…

She sheds tears at my goodbyes,

And listens to my lullabies,

She has this damned curse as you and I.

Her body only wishes for the rubies

That are so hard to drip sometimes…

Her promise intertwining with her hunger…

Her love tearing to shreds.

They’re both my girls, dear angel…

I live for them as they once did for me.

And though I love you too I cannot be

The father I should have been for you if I were there…

But he’ll replace me soon, you’ll be forgetting me,

And that’s okay. It’s the way its meant to be.